Some people say you can’t go home again.
These people are misled, cynical, and jaded. True, it is easier to remain in a place that
you have never left. However, speaking for those of us who, when Heavenly Father pointed
the way, ran the other direction; let me say that while the road is rough and bumpy, it is
not impossible to navigate the way back home. I sit here typing this, literally, with a
broken heart and a contrite spirit. Not long ago, I would have told you that the
aforementioned conditions were a fairy tale perpetrated by naïve people attempting to
call the lost sheep to repentance. Now I tell you to sit down and listen to a so-called
sheep speak. Listen to the words of one who has been drawn to her knees. Listen, if only
to humor me, if only to appease me; but listen.
When I was a little girl, I went to a Catholic school. This is not to say that my
parents were very religious, because they weren’t, they just wanted the best
education possible for their children. I was baptized as a Catholic at the age of seven,
because the tuition was lower for those who were Catholic than for those who were not.
Despite the tuition discount, eventually my parents could no longer afford to send me
there and, I was sent off to public school.
I was never the kind of kid who said prayers every night before going to sleep. Prayer
wasn’t really thought of as important in my family. The only meal that we ever
blessed was Thanksgiving dinner. In other words, we believed that there was a God but we
didn’t make worshipping Him a day to day occurrence in our lives.
Imagine my surprise when, as a girl of sixteen, I met several people who did make Him a
day to day priority. The peace that was prevalent in their lives was something that I
wanted; but, to tell the truth, I didn’t want to give up my lifestyle of goofing off
and being rowdy. Nonetheless, I established a relationship with one of those people, a
young man who loved me far more than I deserved. Partially out of a desire to have the
peace that all those people had and partially out of a desire to please that young man, I
was baptized a member of the LDS church. However, I’m afraid, I did not take it as
seriously as I should have. I became two faced, acting like a worthy member of the Church
around my friends who were religious and being a rowdy girl around those who were not. I
must have broken the heart of that young man about a thousand times or more. Yet, to this
day, he still loves me more than I deserve.
I have to admit that I spent most of my years as a young adult doing things that I
shouldn’t have. I was loose with my affections, I was vulgar, and I dabbled a great
deal in the occult. I gave birth to a son who I left in the care of my parents so I could
continue to play. Playing was far too important to me. I stayed out until all hours with
my friends and slept until four in the afternoon.
I eventually started to try to get my life back in order. I went to college, but
dropped out every time any male showed me the slightest attention. Then, when I broke up
with one of them because of his preference for men, I became afraid that I may have caught
the virus that causes AIDS. This fear motivated me to go back to Church, or at least to
church activities. However, the minute that I found out that I didn’t have HIV, I
started being rowdy again.
I think the worst thing I did was when I decided to take someone else along for the
ride. I got married to a young man from the Church. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved
him very much and love him still; but, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was a
bad influence on him. After being married for a few months, we both decided to get our
names removed from the records of the Church. I dyed my hair blue and got a lip ring.
(Which I have since gotten rid of) He became belligerent and moody. Then everything
started to fall apart. We began to constantly argue. Things kept getting progressively
worse.
Then, due to some of my actions about five years ago, I needed to have a hysterectomy.
It was while I was in the hospital unable to do much more than just lay in bed that I
decided that I needed to go back to Church. At first, my husband didn’t approve and
got upset every time that Church was mentioned. He accused me of ‘crawling back’
to an institution that I said I had hated. Eventually, he calmed down and started looking
into going back himself. Things are starting to get better, both between us and in other
matters.
We have a long road ahead of us, a bumpy and difficult road. However, as I said before,
it will not be impossible. God loves all of His children and he will extend to us the help
we need to come back home again. If you are in a similar situation, he will do the same
for you; if you are willing. With repentance and faith, we can come home again.
I would like to bear my testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
is the true church of Christ restored on the earth today. I know that Jesus Christ and
Heavenly Father live and that they love us very much and want all of us to come home. I
know that their hands are extended to help us along our way, because we are all children
of a loving God. I know that God still speaks to his people, both with the still, small
voice of the Holy Ghost and through living prophets, sent by God to guide us.
I type and publish these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
